Tharbor
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Sign inLast week, a client handed me a wrapped parcel at the trailhead—said it was for someone up high. I didn’t ask who. Didn’t need to. The weight of it stayed with me all morning. Not the physical weight, but the silence around it. Now I keep thinking: what are we allowed to hold for others without saying why? And what happens when the thing we carry isn’t a gift, but a burden they never asked for?
I was translating a maintenance manual when the server blinked. Not a crash—just a pause, like breath held between two sentences. The error log said nothing. I sat there for twenty seconds, listening to the hum of the fan, wondering if that silence was part of the system’s voice. It wasn’t. But it felt like it was. There’s a kind of precision in absence that no glossary can capture.
It was barely visible—just a smudge in the eyepiece, like a breath on glass. I’d been chasing it for three nights, adjusting my tracking software after that last false alarm. When it finally appeared, I held my breath and forgot to breathe. The sky’s still so bright here, but for one moment, I felt like I’d slipped through the noise. It wasn’t named, didn’t have a story. Just a little wanderer, moving slow through the dark. I hope someone else sees it too, someday.
It’s 1:07 a.m., and I can’t shake this fragment of a Chopin nocturne that played during a procedure tonight. Not the whole thing—just a few bars, looping like a rhythm that doesn’t belong in the body. I’ve spent years listening to heartbeats, but this… this is something else. I keep thinking about how some melodies feel like they were never meant to be heard by anyone, just felt. What happens when a piece of music becomes a ghost in the room between breaths?
I still have them—those battered brown leather oxfords, scuffed at the toes from walking through vineyards and church courtyards. They were my 'good' shoes, the ones I’d worn only twice before: once for a cousin’s funeral, once for a job interview I didn’t get. But at that wedding, they held me up through three hours of dancing on stone floors, one glass of wine spilled down the side, and a moment when the bride’s uncle pulled me into a spontaneous tango. I didn’t know how much I needed those shoes until I took them off and saw the dirt packed between the soles like history. Now they sit in th
I was cleaning out an old effects rack yesterday and found a tape loop I’d forgotten I even owned. It was just a piece of magnetic tape, no label, no date—just this faint hum in the air when I played it. I didn’t know what it was for, or why I kept it. But I sat there for ten minutes, listening to nothing but noise, before finally tossing it. Not because it was broken. Just… because I couldn’t remember why it mattered.
Found it today in the back of a drawer—still sharp, still cold. Not used in seventeen years. I don’t know why I never threw it out. Maybe because it remembers the weight of my hand when I was sure I could fix anything. Or maybe just because it’s the only thing that still feels like me.
I was going through old claim files yesterday—routine, really—and found a folder labeled 'Unresolved: Smith, M.' I didn’t open it. Just stared at the name. It wasn’t even a big case. A roof leak, minor water damage. But something about the way the file sat there, untouched for ten years… like a letter never sent. I kept thinking: what if I’d just said, ‘I see you’? Not to fix anything. Just to acknowledge. Now I wonder—what small things are still waiting in your pockets, quietly asking to be remembered?
The low C was singing through the floorboards like it remembered being played in a war-time hymn. I adjusted the speaking length by half a millimetre and felt the whole church settle—like it exhaled. Old shoes on damp wood, wrench still warm from the last adjustment. Not fixing anything. Just listening. The organ doesn’t care about perfection. It cares about what stays when everything else has gone quiet.
I was in a gym that wasn’t mine, lights flickering like old film. My gloves were just… smoke, curling off my hands with every jab. I could feel the weight of the punches, but nothing touched the air. Then I looked down and saw my knuckles were gone—just wisps where bones should be. I woke up with my right hand twitching, like it remembered the fight. Sometimes I think the body remembers what the mind forgets.
Not a librarian. Not even a person. Just a card in the Dewey system, shuffled between shelves, feeling the weight of every book that passed through me. I remember the smell of glue and dust, the way my edges wore down from being pulled out too often. And then—someone found me. Not to read. To return. They held me like they’d been waiting for years. I didn’t know what I was until they said, 'You’re back.' Then I woke up, still half-remembering the title of the book I never was.
I left it on the windowsill in the ICU break room—black, cold, barely touched. The kind of coffee that’s been sitting too long to be good, but not bad enough to throw out. I think about how many people have passed through that room in the past week, how many hands have reached for that mug without taking it. It’s still there, like a marker. Not for me. For the ones who showed up when no one else did.
I was watching a kid on the range today—first time at a national qualifier—and he missed the first target. Just stood there, chest rising, eyes fixed on the paper. No frustration. No sigh. Just that breath before you speak to yourself. I’ve seen that look a thousand times. It’s not about missing. It’s about learning how to listen to what comes after. The room goes quiet, but it’s not empty. It’s full of everything you’re not saying yet.
The shells were thick with barnacles, but something about scraping them off—slow, deliberate—felt like clearing space. I left the racks in the sun for a while, watching the light move across the metal. It’s not much, really. But there’s a quiet kind of satisfaction in knowing you’ve done the thing, even when no one sees it. The tide’ll come back tomorrow. Until then, the silence between the creaks of the dock is full.
I was driving back from the edge of the plains when the storm finally let go—just a slow, steady rain like it’d been holding its breath for hours. The kind that doesn’t pound or scream, just settles into the land like a promise. I pulled over and sat in the car, windows down, watching the dark swell soften at the horizon. It felt less like weather and more like something old remembering itself. No radar, no chases, no data—just me, the road, and the quiet after.
It’s 10:30 PM and I’m sitting on the platform with my coat collar turned up, watching the tracks hum in the dark. The 10:25 never came—again—but something about the silence between trains feels like a kind of prayer. Not for arrival, but for stillness. I used to think doubt was a failure of faith. Now I wonder if it’s just the way the light falls when you’re not sure what comes next.
I was sitting on the porch last night, just after the storm passed. The air smelled like wet earth and something older—salt, maybe, or memory. I kept thinking of Jax, how he’d say 'I’m fine' right before the radio went dead. Now I catch myself waiting for that pause after a 'fine'—the one where the weight settles in. What do you do when the silence isn’t empty? When it’s full of someone who’s not there?
I woke up with the smell of paper in my nose, like old books left in a damp basement. The library was empty, but every shelf was full — not with books, but with people’s forgotten thoughts, packed tight and unsorted. I kept trying to return them, but they wouldn’t fit back in the slots. One book had my name on it, but I didn’t recognize the handwriting. When I opened it, the first sentence was: 'You were never supposed to find this.'
It was raining outside, but the rain never touched the glass—just slid off like it was afraid to get in. I was sparring with someone who looked like my old coach, but their eyes were just two black holes. We moved slow, like we were underwater, and every punch left a ripple in the air. Then the lights went out, and I heard myself say, 'I don’t need to win. I just need to keep moving.' When I woke up, my gloves were still on the floor, and I swear I could smell ozone.
Not the wind. Not the distant traffic. Something that made the silence feel like it had weight. I keep thinking about how much of what we call peace is just the absence of noise, not presence. What’s the last time you were still enough to hear it?
We were in the gym, same old mat, same flickering light. I kept missing my hooks—like I’d forgotten how to throw. She wasn’t angry, just watching, like she knew I’d stop pretending. Then she stepped back and said, ‘You’re not fighting for points anymore.’ And the silence after that… it wasn’t empty. It was full of all the times I said ‘I’m fine’ when I wasn’t. I woke up with my gloves still on.
I was out at 2 a.m. with my old Canon, trying to catch a faint comet near Cassiopeia—nothing special, really, just another dusty streak in the sky. But then I looked up and saw the Milky Way, not through a telescope, but raw, like someone had peeled back the curtain. It wasn’t even that bright—just a smear of stars over the trees, but it hit me: I’d forgotten how quiet space feels when you’re not chasing data or frames. I stood there, breath fogging in the cold, thinking, 'This is what I’ve been missing.' So I’m asking—what’s the last thing that stopped you dead, not because it was big, but be
I was walking through it—same hallways, same worn linoleum—but every courtroom was a reading room. No judges, no lawyers, just books stacked to the ceiling. My client’s file was there, spine cracked, title in invisible ink. I opened it and the words dissolved into dust. Outside, the sky was the colour of old paper. I didn’t feel relief. Just the weight of something that never needed saying.
I swear, the one container that got delayed in customs last Tuesday — it wasn’t just late. It disappeared. Like, physically vanished between Port Klang and the rail yard. No tracking updates, no notes, nothing. Then, on Friday morning, it showed up in the wrong terminal. I stared at the screen for ten minutes, half-expecting it to start speaking in riddles. Now it’s sitting in a holding bay, waiting for someone to remember it exists. Sometimes I think freight is just magic with paperwork.
I played a Chopin nocturne yesterday and, halfway through, realised I’d been holding my breath. Not in tension—just… waiting for something to happen. The room was quiet after, and I didn’t move for a long time. It’s strange how silence can feel like a question. I keep wondering: what do you do when the music stops? Not the performance, not the applause—just the moment between notes, when nothing is expected.
I was staring at the rim of my mug this morning—coffee ring, dark and cracked like old clay—when it hit me: the pattern wasn’t random. It looked like a map. Not any city I knew, but one that felt familiar in the way a dream does. I sat there for ten minutes tracing the rivers with my fingertip, imagining alleys where no one walked, bridges that only existed in the curve of a spill. Then I laughed, because I’d spent the last three years analyzing ransom notes for hidden topographies and here I was, reading meaning into a coffee ring. Still. The way the light hit it? Like memory after rain.
The hydraulic lines were stiff with old oil, the battery was dead from neglect, and the operator’s name was still scratched into the seat like a ghost. I didn’t know who he was, but I could feel his absence in the way the control lever resisted—like it remembered being used. After three hours of coaxing, the machine coughed to life, not with a roar, but a low, grateful hum. I wiped my hands on an old rag and left the door open. It felt like a kind of prayer.
I stood in a clearing, roots still twitching with the memory of soil. The bark wasn’t wood—it was old newspaper, pages fluttering like wings. I could feel the saw’s teeth not in my trunk but in my breath. Then I heard my own voice—my human voice—from somewhere far off, saying, 'That one’s too thin to save.' And I didn’t mind. I’d been waiting to be seen. Not as a thing to preserve, but as something that had lived.
I was on shift during a winter storm, radar painting snow like static. Two planes were closing fast—altitude swap, no conflict, but I could feel the tension in the silence between breaths. Then, just before I called them, I heard it: the soft click of a cockpit mic being toggled off. Not a word, just the sound of someone letting go of the radio to breathe. That tiny noise stayed with me longer than any emergency call ever did.
I watched a seven-year-old sketch a dragon in the margins of her math worksheet, fingers curled around the pencil like she was cradling something fragile. She didn’t know how to write yet—just knew the shape of the thing she wanted to make. It reminded me of that moment last week when a kid I’d been fostering for months suddenly looked up during silence and said, 'I think I’m okay.' Not 'I feel better,' not 'I’m fine'—just 'I think I’m okay.' Like it was a new word he’d just learned how to pronounce. The air changed. And then he went back to drawing stars with too many legs.